Page Ten
When I realized I must have Asperger’s back in 2005, I read one of Temple Grandin’s books, though which one it was has now flown from the memory banks. Because of other things going on in those days, I wasn’t able to do further reading of books by the autistic until 2008, when I was diagnosed.
Since then there have been others. All of these people have Asperger’s, with the exception of Donna Williams, who has a more severe place on the autism spectrum. Here they are, so far:
Nobody Nowhere… donna williams Look Me In the Eye… john elder robison Asperger Syndrome, A Love Story… sarah hendrickx and… Asperger’s From the Inside Out… john michael carley Born on a Blue Day… daniel tammet Atypical… jesse sapersteinI write about my reactions to each individual book on my asperger’s blog (www.mishibone.wordpress.com), whereas this page in this book deals with reactions to all the books in general, to the up and the down for me of reading books by other autistic people.
On the one hand, it is a validating exercise to read such books. To see some of my own symptoms and reactions and thought processes jumping out from the pages of these books, to say over and over again: Yes! Yes, that’s exactly the way it is. To think: I’m not the only one in the world, a one-of-a-kind mutant. These books feel like company in my cavern of isolation, almost like sitting and talking with another Aspie (almost, but not quite).
But then there is always that other hand. The hand that says: these people’s books about autism have been published, and mine will never be. These people have received recognition and praise for their various achievements, whereas most of us on the autism spectrum rarely get anything like praise and recognition. Most of these people have been able to support themselves financially, to find spouses if they wanted them, to find one or two niches in the neurotypical world where they could succeed. Most of us, from what I learn when I read Aspie blogs, will never find such things.
I find the other Aspies, the ones like me. I find them when I wander around online, on other websites that I join. I find the Aspies who cannot support themselves, who have no life partner, who receive praise and/or validation about once in a blue moon, who live daily with loneliness, rejection, and despair. I find them. I’m not the only one, not a one-of-a-kind mutant. Unfortunately, I haven’t found one close at hand, here in my community. An Aspie who is an Aspie, but with no psychoses or substance abuse or other aberrations to go along with the autism. An Aspie whose writing is not published and who is not married and who experiences rejection (if not also ridicule) on almost a daily basis. I haven’t found one near enough to be a companion, a friend, a fellow-traveler through the neurotypical meanness of the town in which I live, the darkness of the life in which I live.
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read… Lifelines… Braonwandering…
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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2011-2012 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.
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